Call overseas from your Smartphone from just 19c/min

From: Worldchat
Sent: 04 July 2011
To: Allen Johnson
Subject: Call overseas from your Smartphone from just 19c/min













Yes! Now you can use your Smartphone to chat to your loved ones or business contacts overseas at really affordable prices!
Features & Benefits:
• Portable & available anywhere that you can get good internet access on your phone.
• Can also be used in WiFi hot spots or your home or office Wifi
• Works on either Android or Iphone
• Works on 3G/HSDPA or Wireless
• Easy to use: No need to enter your pin number each time you want to make a call. Just open the app, and dial the number you wish to call directly (in international format).
Click here to get connected now!

Where can you purchase Worldchat airtime?
• Buy airtime online now
• Independent stockists which can be located on our website.
• Checkers & Checkers Hyper Nationwide
• Selected Spar stores




More features will come later, including the ability to use your PC instead of a smartphone.



Blackberry also coming soon.....
Got Questions?
Email:_____________




From: Allen Johnson
Date: Tue, Jul 5, 2011
Subject:Call overseas from your Smartphone from just 19c/min
To: info@___________


To whom it may concern

I have always been inspired by the great inventors of our generation, and in particular the revolution of communication in the 21st century.

But I believe in tangible communication means, these “wireless networks” and “wi-fi” and “Bluetooth” enabled devices are so superficial and I believe consumers feel at least some element of “buyer’s remorse” when they purchase such “data” packages.

Besides, I asked a so-called “smart-phone” where I’d put my dentures yesterday and it had no idea – I am still on leek soup until I find them…

Anyway, I have over the last 20 years, built an under-sea hollow cable network from South Africa all the way to Washington DC, with a separate talk-pipe that goes right to the White House.

So, unlike your pitch of contacting “friends and relatives over-seas”, I balk at your proposal and say, “contact your friends and relatives UNDER-seas!”

And, instead of patrons buying air-time, my customers buy “wet time”.

Now, you may be interested to find out how I achieved this remarkable feat, well I could tell you but….I’ve basically forgotten…my physician tells me I’ve had more “bends” than Mercedes, building “that darned contraption”.

Anyway, the final pipe welding was completed in 2002 and I now have a 50cm diameter, 13 000km long communication pipe lying at the bottom of the ocean.

Like the Russians in WWII, I also employed the services of animals to run down the length of pipes with written messages tied to little bags around their “provision bags” (which contained food and water for their arduous journey…)

I tested a series of animals for their speed,slenderness (pipe-fit criticality) and brain function (for when the “bends” struck).

2 animals came up trumps, the ferret, and the skunk. So, I sent the ferret in first and he got to DC after a year or so and he had somehow become fluent in whale….

Tragically though, “Popeye” died half-way trying to come back….my pipe-line was now blocked.

So….I sent the skunk down to clear the corpse (it is a little known fact that skunks feed on dead ferrets – it’s true, Bear Grylls wrote about it….)

I sent “Pepe” down on his perilous mission along with a stolen medical doctor’s beeper which I used to try to trace his movement with my trusty sea – microphone.

The real problem then started when it was evident that Popeye wasn’t dead at all, but had in fact been playing “possum” all this time, a further revelation revealed to me that he had also in fact actually BEEN a possum all this time!

Awkward…. What happened next was just awful, Popeye bit Pepe right in the rump and in doing so, ruptured his “stink gland”…under approximately 3 million metric tonnes of water pressure, that stench pretty much zip-lined to DC, and…the White House.

George W Bush had to be rushed to the emergency room, the CIA covered up the whole embarrassing incident citing attempted Taliban anthrax attacks…

I have since made the “Most Wanted” list in the USA for all the wrong reasons…

I just wanted to share my pioneering story with you, no pain no gain.

By the way, Bear says skunks are edible, you just gotta avoid their stink glands….





















Regards

Allen

Join Body and Mind

From: Body and Mind
Sent: 30 June 2011 10:46
To: Allen Johnson
Subject: Join Body and Mind's Mailing List, we will keep you updated with health and well being in SA.




















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Look forward to hearing from you!!
Warm Regards,
Body and Mind
www.bodyandmind.co.za


From: Allen Johnson
Sent: 04 July 2011 1
To: info@bodyandmind.co.za
Subject: Fwd:Join Body and Mind's Mailing List, we will keep you updated with health and well being in SA.


Dear Body&Mind

Your invitation to have me “join your mailing list” would suggest you already HAVE me on your mailing list.

However, I have read through this whilst doing vertical push-ups on my own chakra sticks and I’m afraid that in so doing, I’d forgotten about the hot stones that were precariously balanced on my back, which have now slid down the crevice of my buttocks forcing me to self-hypnotize myself instantly for the pain…so here I stand, intermittently replying to your email with one hand whilst balancing on ONE chakra stick…all the while chanting the pain – numbing mantra of the South Tibetan Boys Choir “uchra – machra, uchra – machra…”


I have read all of your advertised books already, I have even read “The Eleven Steps to Take Charge Of Your Emotional Life” v.s. your “ Ten Steps…” the 11th step being to remember to cry as loudly as you can for exactly 41 minutes (without bursting a blood vessel in your medulla oblongata).


I had once mistakenly ordered a book from Amazon thinking it was “The End Of Karma” as advertised on your list below, but they messed up and sent me Boy George’s biography about the break-up of Culture Club, entitled “The End Of Karma Chameleon”.


I quickly had to suppress feelings of rage, but quickly initiated self-flagellation (where you whip your own back until you bleed, a penance of sorts – you like Dan Brown books probably, or look it up – whatever…) Although that day, I forgot I had acupuncture pins in my back and thus resembled an enlightened pin-cushion by day’s end.


Anyway, I’m still new at this all and should be ok once I’ve conquered Everest with only a sleeping bag and a Mars bar next month. I will send photos!















Jhe Yong!

Allen