Introducing MyUniqueBid

From: MyUniqueBid
Sent: 16 May 2011 17:40
To: Allen Johnson
Subject: Introducing MyUniqueBid

My Unique Bid is changing all the rules.
Instead of bidding a fortune for something, we want you to bid the lowest unique bid. Check out www.myuniquebid.co.za and register today!
By simply registering and referring as many friends as possible, you could win a 16gig ipad worth R5000. Get started here.

















From: Allen Johnson
Date: Fri, May 20, 2011
Subject: Fwd: Introducing MyUniqueBid
To: Introducing MyUniqueBid

Dear “Unique Bid”

I already have all these items, what else can you perhaps offer me? I have over the years, acquired a personal wish list of items that I always have wanted to get – and despite a plethora of visits to auctions around the world, I have always been dismayed not to have found them…

So, in light of your “Unique Bid” website, and the fact that E-Bay have a restraining order against me for sending them my wish list requests – please will you see whether you can line up one or more of the following for me:

• The Director’s Cut DVD of “Pakistani Nights – Unhoarding bin Laden’s Erotica: Now Un-Tali-banned”.
• Charlie Sheen’s ashtray.
• 3-D contact lenses.
• Clown shoes for my clown fish (he’s a size 000000.5) – he’s just learnt to trapeze into the wash basin…
• Ghost repellent spray
• A vinyl LP player that plays records backwards but that doesn’t reverse the way the words sound...I just love that ballad, “ Dead Are Friends My All”….























Please respond as soon as you can, I will get my E-bucks and coupons ready in anticipation!

Allen

Cricket Capers Part 1...

You may, or may not have heard Darren Scott’s “Rugby Panel” on 94.2 Jacaranda FM on the “Just Plain Breakfast” where you hear one guy that impersonates several voices with eerie similarity in a mock rugby panel that either previews, or reviews key rugby games. His repertoire includes Pieter de Villiers (P-Divvy); Hugh Bladen (“give us another whizza!”); Joel Stransky; and Nataniel…yes…Nataniel…

The sketch is no longer than 5 minutes or so and is tightly scripted and is sublimely executed which leaves all reeling with laughter.

Now…I figured I’d script a “Cricket Panel” sketch, just for fun and including players that have the misfortune of wearing the ear-piece on the pitch at the time…. Not sure I could pull the voices off, but this would be the long and short of it.

Here’s the scene….it’s a current World XI v.s. a “Heroes of the Past XI” and they’re playing a T20 in Chennai… this is part 1…





“Hello Chennai! And welcome to today’s massive encounter between the “World XI” and the “Heroes Past XI”! I have with me today’s captains, Shane Warne and Kamran Akmal. Kamran, you have the coin, please will you toss it and call it….”







‘What coin Ravi?....”







“Never mind…I’ll do it, you call it in the air…”








“Not guilty! I mean…tails....”










“Tails it is…what are you going to do Kamran?” You say you are going to have a bet?? Oh, it must be the crowd. Akmal has won the toss and has elected to bat!”









“ Aww yeah, the wicket oughtta hold up for 40 overs, I would’a done the same mate”…










“On this surface the power play will be vital, Danny – having been a hero of the past before, like me, you would favour the bouncy conditions out there?”







“Thenk you Kepler, yeah!! You just cahn’t take ANYTHING for grahnted on this sort of pitch, the girls are dancing, the fireworks are flying and Allen Stanford must be elated with the inclusion of Chris Gayle here today!”..



*hastily cut to ad break*












“We apologise for that loss of transmission to our viewers worldwide, Danny had a problem with his mic, back to you in the Supersport Studio Hays, we’ll return our viewers to the action very shortly!”…









“ Um yes, well uh…strange um.. I apologi….”










“ (hic*) wha? What? “..









Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………………………………………









“ROFLMAO!!”