Wednesday, November 24, 2010

SA's Greenest House

Louis van der Walt
Sent: 24 November 2010 09:00
To: Allen Johnson
Subject: SA's Greenest House

Dear Elmarie


 

SERVICING OF STANDS ON SCHEDULE!

Take transfer of your dream stand on "Le Jardin" at Avianto Estate early next year. Limited launch discounts still available on selected stands. Also featuring the now completed "Love and Mortar home" claimed to be SA's greenest house. (Is this “green” due to the rampant onslaught of a foreign lichen infestation?)
  • Magnificent setting in the countryside next to the Crocodile River with indigenous forests, walkways, resting places and biking trails.
     
  • Surrounded by breathtaking scenery (me in my birthday suit obviously…), unforgettable sunsets, country restaurants, game farms and other tourist attractions.
     
  • Offering a controlled and safe environment through state-of-the-art access control technology.
  • A front door key? 
  • Unique and unpretentious European inspired building and architectural design for the construction of your perfect home. As opposed to the very pretentious and aloof African cattle dung mud huts…
     
  • All buildings to be constructed within realistic environmental and bio-climatic guidelines to ensure long-term sustainable energy savings and environmental responsibility. A solar panel in other words. 
  • Close to commercial West Rand areas offering many world class shopping centres, entertainment venues and business locations. And of course a million tyre and exhaust fitment centres… 
  • Easy access to all Gauteng's main centres West Rand, Sandton, North Rand and Pretoria via the N14 highway.
     
  • Connection to the Avianto local area network, offering free telephone communication within the estate and additional telephone, data and security services by contract.
     
  • Access to Avianto Village Hotel amenities; Qolf, swimming pool, tennis courts, restaurants, club house, coffee shop and other upcoming leisure activities. (What is Qolf? I hope it’s not a pretentious new sport…)
     
  • Exclusive property investment; only 90 large freehold stands and 24 full title cluster homes available on "Le Jardin."
     
  • "SA's Greenest House" as claimed and published in an article by The Property Magazine in their August issue - now completely built and finished on "Le Jardin" at Avianto Estate. To read more follow the link - www.thepropertymag.co.za
     
"Avianto Residential Estate is not so much about standard of living, but more so about friendship, nature, the environment and a true quality of life." 


   







Dear Hilda  (Louis)… (You’ve taken the liberty of calling me “Elmarie”, so I also rather kindly gave you an alternate gender name…)

I was initially excited at the subject line in your mail, only to be dismayed when I soon realised that you were NOT, in fact, selling actual green houses….

You see, I’m really into growing my own vegetation and I am, for all intents and purposes, a subsistence produce farmer who’s VERY in touch with the Earth and it’s many ecological plights…

I am also an avid nudist as I believe my crops sense my sincerity when I bask amongst their abundant leaves and bulbs, au naturale – and this in turn excites them into yielding better quality produce overall…















I just have a few comments/queries highlighted in blue in your mail below, if you could revert to me on these at your earliest convenience – I would be most happy. May the Limpopo Baobab Tree always give you ample shade…and may the African Killer Bee never get so enraged with you that it chases you into a hippo–infested watering hole…

Earthly Blessings

Allen



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