To: Allen Johnson
Subject: Car insurance premiums too high ? Save 10% now!
From: Allen Johnson
Sent: 09 December 2011 13:08
To: Tracey
Subject: RE: Car insurance premiums too high ? save 10% now!
Hi Tracey
Thank you for your mail – I am a little bit perplexed though, I drive a Nissan 1400 pick-up, but the visuals you have below are of what are obviously very flash cars…
Why is this? Is there an industry discrimination against cars older than 30 years?
Look, Tracey…don’t get me wrong – I assume you’re female (there are guys called Tracey too, like Tracey Morgan from 30 Rock and SNL – man, he cracks me up!)
But, I tried coming right with First For Women insurance as they had GREAT quotes going…I even ‘tweaked’ my name a bit, you know…to ‘Alanis’.
Everything was fine until they invited me to meet and sign final documents with the consultant, Lucille (who is quite uh , how shall I say this…a ’masculine’ woman)
I panicked of course, I am a man…how am I going to pass as a woman when I had to meet this person?
Well, I got dressed in a sensible middle-aged woman’s sun-dress, put on some rouge and mascara and donned some Jackie-O glasses – and in I went…
Well, Lucille took to me like a hummingbird to a flower, she was right up in my face , and I KNEW she had more than a professional interest in me…I could smell the Eisbein wrap she’d had for breakfast on her breath, and even see a small peppadew lodged in the appreciable gap between her two front teeth….
I was fudging myself and refused to sit down, I had put a scarf around my neck to hide my shaving nicks from the morning, but I looked at her and she had an adam’s apple the size of a cricket ball, and with a voice that makes Barry White sound like a eunuch…
She eventually forced me to sit down at her desk (I just kept saying ‘cheapest quote!’ over and over to myself in my head….) but when she glazed her sandpaper-like tongue across the nape of my neck, I fled…
I literally ran through her desk and dived through her open office window…losing half my dress and ripping my stockings in the process…
Tracey, I want a good quote…a reasonable, non-sexist…quote for me and my little pick-up.
Can you help me? Lucille has somehow found me on facebook and keeps requesting my ‘friendship’.
I will phone the police next week if it doesn’t stop…
Please help
Regards
Allen
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